A 'friend' I just can't shake off

'A motivational speaker once told me that blah blah blah blah......'

Sorry, I can't finish Franklin's conversational piece because I didn't listen well enough and subsequently found it of no interest to the topic which was at hand when he offered his contribution. He was of course, uninvited, when Dorota and I were engaged in a conversation, discussing matters related to our project. He is a colleague of our project director and was just wandering around the centre while the Dec. 7th voting was taking place, albeit without any intention of exercising his franchise, Franklin has since come to be one of these folks who are hard to not meet on the streets.

His presence seems almost omniscient, Great Caesar's Ghost, appearing from the shadows, enthusiastically and incorrectly uttering 'Doroga', 'Daniel' – vying for the attention of his new found friends. Problem is, he is not our friend. We have no idea who he is. And herein lies the problem. People like Franklin, who are far and few between in Ghana, seem to have an Obroni radar implanted in their brains, either divinely installed or self-inserted. Once we step out onto public pathways they seem to hone in on their prey. Whether it's a European address, a white woman (or her sisters, friends) to possess or $$$$, one thing is for certain. They want something from you, the alien, other than to greet you and bid you a good day or night. It's not out of poverty that this annoying clinginess derives. I rather think it is part of the same cancer that a journalist recently wrote about in Ghana's well-respected national Daily Graphic – the 'get rich quick cancer'.

Mourning this increasing phenomenon in Ghanaian society, the writer was specifically addressing a recent tragedy that occured nearby Kumasi. A fuel tanker having overturned, a number of locals sporadically decided to prosper from the spoils, only to end up cremated when a sparks flew and an inferno commenced and death clenched it's unforgiving claws on those who acted before thinking. In fact, I've invoked a boycott against him due to the fact that he crossed a boundary he knows he shouldn't have. While I was recently talking to my brother on a pay phone he appeared, characteristically, out of nowhere. He paid little heed to the fact that I was having a private conversation on the phone but disturbingly continued his approach and attempted to engage us, so she took the initiative to move him away by moving some 5 metres away herself. He positioned herself on a bench beside her, and characteristically for Dorota, she respectfully did not prejudge nor brush him off. Later she told me that he had put his hand on her leg, and spoke about wanting a white woman, motivational speakers, blah, blah, blah......she quickly removed his hand and without verbally giving him the cold shoulder made him fully aware that his behaviour was out of order. Thus, he is ow the first person in almost 3 months here to make it onto our 'persona non grata' list.

Now, everywhere I and we turn, he is there, in the shadows (due to the dim street lighting and not the murkiness of his character). Not stalking nor acting in a sinister fashion, you know, just one of these people that you happen to run into an awful lot and pretends to have a history with you while acting like an asshole when he plucks up the courage to disrupt.

So to conclude, I think it's only fair to clarify, unless you go away with a negative stereotype about Ghanaian males as a result of the above vitriolic diatribe about Franklin. Such species are as rare as icecream in our local area. Every now and again they pop up, but by and large, one can go about their daily business unhindered apart from the cute, harmless and repetitive squeals of young kids shouting, 'Broni ba, broni ba' (The white man/woman is coming, the white man/woman is coming). And all they want back is a wave, smile or funny face - not an engagement ring or your bank details.

6 things an Obroni should have in Ghana

Some of the following may be obvious, others lifesaving, while others you may deem ridiculous. Judge for yourself if you ever venture to this neck of the woods.

Mosquito repellent and net - Unless you want to suffer from extreme fever, loss of appetite and the feeling that your life is about to end prematurely, then it is worth keeping a good eye on your mosquito net, ensuring there are no wholes nor minor gaps for one of the little terrorists to enter and suck on your sweet blood. The evening anepholes mosquito are particularly nasty so cover up head to toe. If you're taking a break on the beach, do likewise. Many volunteers letting their hair down make this mistake and come back with a parasite in their blood and an empty pocket with all the treatment they require. Some of the medication to combat malaria may cause stomach problems, possibly due to the aspirin content. Get advice from the doctor how to alleviate the problem, Injections against malaria cost a bit more but are a quicker solution. Oral medication can take at least 5 days to effectively work and may suppress your appetite despite the fact that it is essential for you to eat (light soup, non-fried food).

First Aid medical knowledge - Many private clinics just have doctors a few hours a day. Most public hospitals are full to the brim with patients. So remember, prevention is better than cure. Avoid going to clinics and hospitals by using common sense for common sicknesses. Don't take risks with unfiltered or unboiled water - your insides are just not used to it. Drink lots of water as a daily habit. Don't share water you have back-washed into, if possible - you are likely to either catch a bug or pass on one. Eat lots of fresh fruit. Avoid midday sun. Walk in the shade when possible.

If you need hospital care, ask for embassy and local advice. When you get there ask for everything (a bowl to puke in, balm to relieve muscular pains, etc.)as many times as it takes you to get it but be respectful to the probability that others may have been waiting prior to your arrival for attention. Be patient with what may seem casual attitudes from nursing and even senior medical staff. They will usually get the job done, just not in a way you are accustomed to.

Appropriate clothing – Yes all the guides say it. So though your pre-trip advisors and volunteering counsellors. But it sometimes just does not sink in. Nakedness, even if you are a hunk guys, is culturally disrespectful. Ladies, the less revealed the less hassle you will get – seems like a fair bargain. Yes, you may be boiling hot, but just get used to it and keep your pale, hairy chest covered. Trousers below the knee are (i) more attractive (ii) more respectful (iii) more practical if they have pockets. Nice clothes to wear on Sunday are also a good idea. You will be amazed how beautiful Ghanaians look for their religious services. No tracksuits, t-shirts, wellington boots, etc. Even if you are a die hard atheist or an a la carte Christian, it's best that you do not stand out like a sore thumb. Keep your shades, basketball top, Nike Air locked up. Smart and casual is also fine.

A sponge – They cost 1.50 Ghana Cedi for and will help scrub off the layers of dust that gather on you skin each evening. Washing yourself 5 times daily without one will not suffice. Get it, scrub like hell, and avoid being and smelling dirty (you won't see it from your own naked eye as mirrors are a rarity), looking tanned (it's actually dust). You will feel a lot better afterwards.

Small change - Traders often do not have change of 5 or 10 cedi. Therefore the water, ice cream, chocolate fix, newspaper, orange or banana you desperately want may not become yours unless you carry small coins at all times.

The ability to say 'Hssst' - This is how Ghanaians grab each others attention. I don't really know how a trader 40 metres away can distinguish the sound of a 'hssst' from a potential customer while she is walking in the opposite direction, but it is a quintessential part of his or her doing business. It's kind of 'one of those things you have to see and hear to understand'. It may seem rude to you, but it is perfectly acceptable for you to use this mechanism of communication also.